”What do you want?”

Felt so tired this weekend. 

I watched a couple of dvds including Safe Haven. 

Afterwards I wanted to go out and do something, but I don’t know what and I felt so tired. 

I have been thinking about what it is I want. Which is hard to pin down in specifics, I guess because I have not got experience. I do not want to be rushed. 

I want to be able to grow into being me. 

I want to be me, and cared for and able to explore who I am safely, without having things rushed or forced onto me. 

One thing I think is that I am interested / curious in spanking, but I don’t feel ready for sex. 

 

I was thinking a bit yesterday about whether this is selfish. If I got into a relationship with someone I would not be ready for things that they would probably want to do. 

Some day I want a family and so forth, and in the future I want to be able to be ready for sex, but I don’t feel ready for sex currently. In that respect i suppose I would want to take small steps if I was with someone slowly. 

 

I am a bit worried that I will be with someone and they will want to rush me into everything at once or something or be dissapointed in me. 

 

I am not sure what is going to happen or what I am going to do. 

 

What do I want?

 

I guess for now to feel cared for or loved. To be able to progress me. 

Perhaps to be hugged or spanked, but by someone who cares about me. 

To be safe. 

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